Monday, March 28, 2011
4th Season
I just posted something but this is important. I'm in a lull. The blog is starting to go into what I call it's 4th season. It's like when a show is really good show is amazing in the first 3 seasons, and then it starts to lose it's quality in the fourth season. What I'm hoping what's gonna happen, is that I'm gonna lower everybody's expectations, so when I eventually come up with something good everybody will think it's the most amazing thing ever. I miss being in my 2nd season. Because I feel bored with this blog I have a BIG announcment. On Friday, April 1st, 2011.....I'm doing a LIVE post. So come to my blog at around 8ish on Friday! It should be epic.
Hello, I'm embarrassed. What's your name?
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In Advisory, (Advisory's our schools ridiculous way of saying "Homeroom") we were listening to the announcments and about to watch "Indiana Jones; The Raiders of the Lost Ark".
There was a long pause on the loud speaker. That was when my body decided that I've been being a bitch lately, and made me sneeze the biggest sneeze I've ever sneezed.
It wasn't a normal sneeze either. It was a nasty, slobbery, snotty, phlemy, disgusting one. It was like debris flying out of my nose and mouth, and on to my face. My whole face. I was stuck in my seat.
Let me ellaborate on that.
Our Advisory class's desks are arranged and an extremely retarded way. Our teacher tried to set the desks up like an arena, so we we're all facing the front. The desks get moved around a lot throughout the class and today I got sealed in on my left and my right.
SO when I sneezed that awful sneeze I couldn't go anywhere. It was on my hands and face and I was embarassed.
This one kid, Paco, got up, got tissues, and shoved them in my face. I was slowly sliding deeper and deeper in my chair until I was on the ground with tears in my eyes. I was about to cry but I swollowed the tears went to the trash can with my head held high....all while the announcments were going on.
My freinds gave me a peptalk...after they said "That was embarassing to watch." That was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.
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In Advisory, (Advisory's our schools ridiculous way of saying "Homeroom") we were listening to the announcments and about to watch "Indiana Jones; The Raiders of the Lost Ark".
There was a long pause on the loud speaker. That was when my body decided that I've been being a bitch lately, and made me sneeze the biggest sneeze I've ever sneezed.
It wasn't a normal sneeze either. It was a nasty, slobbery, snotty, phlemy, disgusting one. It was like debris flying out of my nose and mouth, and on to my face. My whole face. I was stuck in my seat.
Let me ellaborate on that.
Our Advisory class's desks are arranged and an extremely retarded way. Our teacher tried to set the desks up like an arena, so we we're all facing the front. The desks get moved around a lot throughout the class and today I got sealed in on my left and my right.
SO when I sneezed that awful sneeze I couldn't go anywhere. It was on my hands and face and I was embarassed.
This one kid, Paco, got up, got tissues, and shoved them in my face. I was slowly sliding deeper and deeper in my chair until I was on the ground with tears in my eyes. I was about to cry but I swollowed the tears went to the trash can with my head held high....all while the announcments were going on.
My freinds gave me a peptalk...after they said "That was embarassing to watch." That was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.
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Thursday, March 24, 2011
Ahhhhh! Roofies!!
A couple of weeks ago my school had a dance. It was unsuprisingly ghetto.
It was pretty awful. The music was like excessivly and freakishly loud.
I had to yell the same sentance 10 times each to get my point across. The 2 highlights were
1.) My bestfriend Britney was there.
2.) I danced like a fool with one of my friends Morgan.
Luckily Al Pachino wasn't there. He was "studying" for UIL, (UIL is this big academic competition that I went to and won 5th place in. HOLLA.) but I'm sure that he was actually out trying to drink people's blood. Have I mentioned he thinks he's a Vampire? Because...he thinks he's a Vampire.
The dance was very stereotypical. There were even a couple of dance offs. What is this? West Side Story meets the Ghetto? It was like a bad ghetto remake of "Bring It On". I can't say the word "GHETTO" enough.
There was this one weird Indian/Mexican kid who kept BLATENTLY hitting on Britney. It got to the point where she almost screamed "My body, MY CHOICE." in his face. He like even did the stupid yawn/stretch over the shoulder move on her. She kept looking at me and we both exchanged a glance that ment..."Omfg. Somebody arrest him right NOW." He gave his jacket to her and she was all "Umm NO." and he was all "FML. Please. I love you. I only want to be with you. You and ONLY you." and she was still all "EFF no." and I was all "ACCESS DENIED.". That was basically what happened but nobody said anything. Everytime he made a move on her I texted Britney "Awkward turtle." She had a hard time keeping a straight face.
We ended up running away from him like The Devil was chasing us. But he kept finding us. At one point during the night he offered her a drink. It was an OPENED Diet Coke. "Ummm. Surrrre. -__-" She walked away and she threw in trash. "I'm glad you did that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to rape you." I said. She replied "Yeah, me too. Ever since I saw 'The Hangover' everytime I get offered an open drink I feel like yelling 'AHHHH!! Roofies!!!!'" Then we laughed out loud for about 10 minutes.
Do we have a future Mexican/Indian date raper on our hands? I think yes.
It was pretty awful. The music was like excessivly and freakishly loud.
I had to yell the same sentance 10 times each to get my point across. The 2 highlights were
1.) My bestfriend Britney was there.
2.) I danced like a fool with one of my friends Morgan.
Luckily Al Pachino wasn't there. He was "studying" for UIL, (UIL is this big academic competition that I went to and won 5th place in. HOLLA.) but I'm sure that he was actually out trying to drink people's blood. Have I mentioned he thinks he's a Vampire? Because...he thinks he's a Vampire.
The dance was very stereotypical. There were even a couple of dance offs. What is this? West Side Story meets the Ghetto? It was like a bad ghetto remake of "Bring It On". I can't say the word "GHETTO" enough.
There was this one weird Indian/Mexican kid who kept BLATENTLY hitting on Britney. It got to the point where she almost screamed "My body, MY CHOICE." in his face. He like even did the stupid yawn/stretch over the shoulder move on her. She kept looking at me and we both exchanged a glance that ment..."Omfg. Somebody arrest him right NOW." He gave his jacket to her and she was all "Umm NO." and he was all "FML. Please. I love you. I only want to be with you. You and ONLY you." and she was still all "EFF no." and I was all "ACCESS DENIED.". That was basically what happened but nobody said anything. Everytime he made a move on her I texted Britney "Awkward turtle." She had a hard time keeping a straight face.
We ended up running away from him like The Devil was chasing us. But he kept finding us. At one point during the night he offered her a drink. It was an OPENED Diet Coke. "Ummm. Surrrre. -__-" She walked away and she threw in trash. "I'm glad you did that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to rape you." I said. She replied "Yeah, me too. Ever since I saw 'The Hangover' everytime I get offered an open drink I feel like yelling 'AHHHH!! Roofies!!!!'" Then we laughed out loud for about 10 minutes.
Do we have a future Mexican/Indian date raper on our hands? I think yes.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Stinky Sturkey
Sorry about all the "That's So Raven" refrences. I've been watching it a lot lately.
O.k. you know how some people have an oder. Well, up until I started going to Azle JH, I thought there were only 3 categorys of oder; Lovely, Normal, and Stanky. I was Wrong. There's one more.
It's name is Kealon
It's called Kealon because that is the name of the person who inspired this new category. He is the ONLY person, in the U.S. at least, who smells like this. He is literally the worst smelling, person, object, animal, I've ever met. He is the real life, Ben Sturkey.
THE SMELL -
It's hellish. I don't think he has showered in, I'm not exaggerating, at least a year. When he walks past me it's like "The Situation" is raping my left nostril, and Flava Flav is raping my right nostril. That is the only thing I can compare it to. It's rediculous that he can't even go jump in a lake for 5 seconds. That would help! I can't believe nobody's ever confronted him. You know, I'm worried about his home life. What kind of parents would let it go on like this. Willie Nelson would be like "Dude, you need to take it down a notch." Kealon needs to jump in a pool that is 4% lye, 50% Shampoo, 1% water, 10% Pro Active, and 35% Ralph Lauren Calogne.
THE APPEARANCE -
It's hellish. His hair.....excuse me while I dry heave........It's like he soaked it in mud and bacon grease. It's long, messy, and as nasty as HAYELL. He is the definition of "TOW UP." His acne, is like a Pro Active infomercial. It's like a huge red tumer. I have pimples, and acne and stuff, but this is excessive. I'm gonna give him a Pro Active gift basket or something. It's just plain GROSS! His clothing is dirty just from touching him. Seriously, his clothing gets brown stains on it and crap. What's worse is that only Britney, Justice, and I are the only ones bothered buy him. What the HELL!? We have to stage an intervention. He can't be healthy. HE CAN'T. We really HAVE to do an intervention, be his shoulder to cry on, if only to keep him from being a date raper later in life.
O.k. you know how some people have an oder. Well, up until I started going to Azle JH, I thought there were only 3 categorys of oder; Lovely, Normal, and Stanky. I was Wrong. There's one more.
It's name is Kealon
It's called Kealon because that is the name of the person who inspired this new category. He is the ONLY person, in the U.S. at least, who smells like this. He is literally the worst smelling, person, object, animal, I've ever met. He is the real life, Ben Sturkey.
THE SMELL -
It's hellish. I don't think he has showered in, I'm not exaggerating, at least a year. When he walks past me it's like "The Situation" is raping my left nostril, and Flava Flav is raping my right nostril. That is the only thing I can compare it to. It's rediculous that he can't even go jump in a lake for 5 seconds. That would help! I can't believe nobody's ever confronted him. You know, I'm worried about his home life. What kind of parents would let it go on like this. Willie Nelson would be like "Dude, you need to take it down a notch." Kealon needs to jump in a pool that is 4% lye, 50% Shampoo, 1% water, 10% Pro Active, and 35% Ralph Lauren Calogne.
THE APPEARANCE -
It's hellish. His hair.....excuse me while I dry heave........It's like he soaked it in mud and bacon grease. It's long, messy, and as nasty as HAYELL. He is the definition of "TOW UP." His acne, is like a Pro Active infomercial. It's like a huge red tumer. I have pimples, and acne and stuff, but this is excessive. I'm gonna give him a Pro Active gift basket or something. It's just plain GROSS! His clothing is dirty just from touching him. Seriously, his clothing gets brown stains on it and crap. What's worse is that only Britney, Justice, and I are the only ones bothered buy him. What the HELL!? We have to stage an intervention. He can't be healthy. HE CAN'T. We really HAVE to do an intervention, be his shoulder to cry on, if only to keep him from being a date raper later in life.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I'm NOT So Raven.
The whole O.J. thing got irritating and boring so I'm done with that. On to bigger and better things.
The Oscars were pretty good, but I was wrong about everything. See below.
Category: My Picks: Winners:
Best Actress Annette Bening Natalie Portman
Best Actor Jesse Eisenberg Colin Firth
Best Supporting Actress Hailee Steinfeld Melissa Leo
Best Supporting Actor Geoffrey Rush Christian Bale
Best Picture Black Swan, or Social Network The Kings Speech
So clearly I'm not psychic. I got a few right. Though they were ones everyone knew were gonna win, like EVERYONE knew Toy Story 3 was gonna get best animation. That's implied.
The hosts were funny. Anne Hathaway was fricken hilarious, GAW-GES and sweet. James Franco, on the other hand, looked like he and Charlie Sheen had finished off a brick of cocaine just before the show started. Everybody is hating on my girl Anne, and it's annoying. You try hosting the biggest event on t.v., since the beginning of cussing time, in front of God and the whole world.
I hate that The King's Speech won best picture. The winner is always a stupid dumb movie that only old people care about. I wish Social Network or Toy Story 3 would have won! That would have been amazing if Toy Story 3 had won!! To be honest, I seriously thought that when they opened up the card that they were gonna say "....and the best picture is.....AVATAR!!!!!!"
The Oscars were pretty good, but I was wrong about everything. See below.
Category: My Picks: Winners:
Best Actress Annette Bening Natalie Portman
Best Actor Jesse Eisenberg Colin Firth
Best Supporting Actress Hailee Steinfeld Melissa Leo
Best Supporting Actor Geoffrey Rush Christian Bale
Best Picture Black Swan, or Social Network The Kings Speech
So clearly I'm not psychic. I got a few right. Though they were ones everyone knew were gonna win, like EVERYONE knew Toy Story 3 was gonna get best animation. That's implied.
The hosts were funny. Anne Hathaway was fricken hilarious, GAW-GES and sweet. James Franco, on the other hand, looked like he and Charlie Sheen had finished off a brick of cocaine just before the show started. Everybody is hating on my girl Anne, and it's annoying. You try hosting the biggest event on t.v., since the beginning of cussing time, in front of God and the whole world.
I hate that The King's Speech won best picture. The winner is always a stupid dumb movie that only old people care about. I wish Social Network or Toy Story 3 would have won! That would have been amazing if Toy Story 3 had won!! To be honest, I seriously thought that when they opened up the card that they were gonna say "....and the best picture is.....AVATAR!!!!!!"
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Quick One.
O.k. I'm posting this from computer class. I know you want to hear about O.J. and I will have that post on friday, but there is somebody in my class, who just ate paper......and is making noises like a billygoat.
I hate to be the one to make fun of the wierd kid who most likely, is autistic, but he just ate paper. He sits next to me and he gets "frustraited"........for generally everything. He goes berserkbananas when he...."get's frustraited". I try to be nice because then when he snaps and shoots up the school, he will remember how nice I was, and spare my life. He seriously scares me. Clearly he needs to be under pshyciatric supervision. I'm thinking about having a sit down with him and giving it to him straight. "Listen Forrest," I would say "I get your angry but you just threw a computer across the room and ate a sheet of paper. I asked Dr. Phil and he said you need Xanax.....and Valium......and Vicodine. He's super smart which scares me even more. He could be orchastrating a bomb attack that will take place at the school, for all I know. Help me.
I hate to be the one to make fun of the wierd kid who most likely, is autistic, but he just ate paper. He sits next to me and he gets "frustraited"........for generally everything. He goes berserkbananas when he...."get's frustraited". I try to be nice because then when he snaps and shoots up the school, he will remember how nice I was, and spare my life. He seriously scares me. Clearly he needs to be under pshyciatric supervision. I'm thinking about having a sit down with him and giving it to him straight. "Listen Forrest," I would say "I get your angry but you just threw a computer across the room and ate a sheet of paper. I asked Dr. Phil and he said you need Xanax.....and Valium......and Vicodine. He's super smart which scares me even more. He could be orchastrating a bomb attack that will take place at the school, for all I know. Help me.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Part 2
The next day I demanded that Ms.Cole punish punish her and the same kind of argument ensued. On my way home I thought the whole thing was over. Then I got the call.
My phone rings and it’s Carolin. She lied. Lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied.
Carolin – “Hahahah it’s Carolin! I got your number. I’m gonna prank call you every night for the rest of your life! Bwahahahahahah! Rawr.”
I didn’t hear the “click” of the phone hanging up so I said.
“Listen up assface, I will call the police on your ass, you crazy psycho freak lunatic bitch! What is your problem?”
I came to school today excited to get her in so much trouble it would make her head spin. She was a no show. I tell teacher what happened she was no help. We got into another argument. It led to where she yelled
“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE GIVEN OUT YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO THE WHOLE WORLD!”
I was through. She was messing with the wrong person. I was screaming at her face “LISTEN UP BUDDY I EXPECT THE CLASSROOM TO HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY. AND BY THE WAY QUIT BLAMING ME! ITS GETTING REALLY OLD. YOU HEARD HER SAY THAT WORD TO ME AND YOUR PLAYING DUMB! SO. DON’T. EVEN. ACT. LIKE. THAT.”
Then I was sent to s.a.c. to live out my punishment there. I had to copy down the cheesy thing I've ever laid my eyes on. It was about students who disrespected thier teachers! Full of CHEESE. Then the VP talks to me and I tell him the story and he tells me to come in early tomorrow.
Looks like this is a saga.
My phone rings and it’s Carolin. She lied. Lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied.
Carolin – “Hahahah it’s Carolin! I got your number. I’m gonna prank call you every night for the rest of your life! Bwahahahahahah! Rawr.”
I didn’t hear the “click” of the phone hanging up so I said.
“Listen up assface, I will call the police on your ass, you crazy psycho freak lunatic bitch! What is your problem?”
I came to school today excited to get her in so much trouble it would make her head spin. She was a no show. I tell teacher what happened she was no help. We got into another argument. It led to where she yelled
“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE GIVEN OUT YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO THE WHOLE WORLD!”
I was through. She was messing with the wrong person. I was screaming at her face “LISTEN UP BUDDY I EXPECT THE CLASSROOM TO HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY. AND BY THE WAY QUIT BLAMING ME! ITS GETTING REALLY OLD. YOU HEARD HER SAY THAT WORD TO ME AND YOUR PLAYING DUMB! SO. DON’T. EVEN. ACT. LIKE. THAT.”
Then I was sent to s.a.c. to live out my punishment there. I had to copy down the cheesy thing I've ever laid my eyes on. It was about students who disrespected thier teachers! Full of CHEESE. Then the VP talks to me and I tell him the story and he tells me to come in early tomorrow.
Looks like this is a saga.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Rigged.
This is an emergency blog. Sit down. Seriously your gonna die. SIT DOWN.
Lady GaGa....didn't win album of the year. I'M GOING TO CUT SOMEBODY. I'm soooooooo pissed. She wasn't even beat by an actual band! Guess who won. Arcade Fire. ARE YOU SHANKING KIDDING ME? Arcade Fire! O.K. if Eminem or Justin Bieber, or even friggin Katy Perry had won, I would be o.k. BUT ARCADE FIRE?????I feel like punching someone in the ear. What the Hell? Where is Kanye West when you need him?!
I'm seriously about to cry. Lady GaGa is perfection. Arcade Fire is a trashy garage band. Like who actually listens to A.F.? I Know....Emo people while they write poems about Native American oppression.
We have to do something. Lady Gaga is probably crying to herself in the Staples Center's restroom and thinking "What did I do wrong!?" We need to write Hate Mail to the acadamy or something. We need to help Mother Monster.
I'm not a Hater. This is JUST WRONG. Like who actually thinks Arcade Fire is better then LADY GAGA? Nobody. Whoever it was who made this decision for arcade fire to win was insane and needs to be labotamized..............Shutter Island style.
I'm grieving for the rest of the week.
Lady GaGa... If your reading this....we'll gettem next year.
Lady GaGa....didn't win album of the year. I'M GOING TO CUT SOMEBODY. I'm soooooooo pissed. She wasn't even beat by an actual band! Guess who won. Arcade Fire. ARE YOU SHANKING KIDDING ME? Arcade Fire! O.K. if Eminem or Justin Bieber, or even friggin Katy Perry had won, I would be o.k. BUT ARCADE FIRE?????I feel like punching someone in the ear. What the Hell? Where is Kanye West when you need him?!
I'm seriously about to cry. Lady GaGa is perfection. Arcade Fire is a trashy garage band. Like who actually listens to A.F.? I Know....Emo people while they write poems about Native American oppression.
We have to do something. Lady Gaga is probably crying to herself in the Staples Center's restroom and thinking "What did I do wrong!?" We need to write Hate Mail to the acadamy or something. We need to help Mother Monster.
I'm not a Hater. This is JUST WRONG. Like who actually thinks Arcade Fire is better then LADY GAGA? Nobody. Whoever it was who made this decision for arcade fire to win was insane and needs to be labotamized..............Shutter Island style.
I'm grieving for the rest of the week.
Lady GaGa... If your reading this....we'll gettem next year.
Monday, February 7, 2011
O.J. and Her Golf Gloves.
Today, I was walking outside and about to go inside. A mean girl who is in one of my classes, was behind me. When we got to the door, I was being nice and held the door open for her. She gave me a dirty luck and rushed in front of me and slowed down. Okay, this annoying enough when it happens on the road when your driving and even MORE annoying when your walking. I was pissed but not enough to vocalize my frustration. When we were walking she stopped. Stopped. Just stopped in the middle of the staircase. I waited 5 seconds, then I walked around her. Then while I was hurrying up the staircase she screamed "JACKASS!" What the hell was this girls problem? She was the one being a dumb walker. Walking in the hallways during passing period is like driving during rush hour. If she were she were a car she would have been in the middle lane of the highway blocking everybody from getting to work. I stared at here pimply face and said "Really? I'm a Jackass? O.k. whatever you are not even worth it." I went on with my day until 8th period. This is the class that I have with her.
I go in and later in the class, I am telling a friend my phone number. The girl who called me a jackass, was being a stalker, and wrote down my number. We will call her "O.J. Simpson".
O.J. Simpson called my name and yelled "HAHAH I have your number now! Heheheheh."
I looked at the numbers she had written down. It was the correct number. I looked at her in horror. It's go time. The following conversation ensued.
Me - "Throw that away. Burn it. Rip it up. Get rid of it. Right now."
O.J. Simpson - "No. I am KEEPING IT. MWAHAHAHAHAH!"
Me - "No you won't. I have a right to not give you my number."
O.J. - "Too bad."
I was standing up now.
Me - "Give it back or I will take it back."
O.J. - *shakes head*
I got up and walked over to her desk. I try to grab the paper. She slaps my hand and screams "NO. FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I smiled. She sits next to the teacher.
"I'm sorry. Did you just say 'F off '?" I asked the chunky latina looking girl who had yelled it.
"Yes. You deserve it." What? I couldn't believe it. How could she say that to ME, let alone in front of a teacher? I looked at our teacher and she was still doing her work. She was pretending to not have noticed, even though she was smiling. "Uhhh excuse me? Teacher? Are you going to do something?" "Do what?" She said keeping in laughter. This was to much. She was neglecting her bullying me. The teacher (Let's call her Johnny Cochran. He was O.J.'s Lawyer in the murder trial.) then tried to blame me. "Why are you out of your seat? You are breaking the rules!"
Me - "I'm braking the rules? Really? She just said 'Fk off' to me! I was getting back m y ohone number she had stolen. I don't want her to stalk my life. I have rights."
Ms. Cochran - "I didn't hear that."
Me - "SHE IS 4 INCHES AWAY FROM YOU!!! She stole my number and I got up t take it away. Then she said F off! See!?"
I pointed down to the journal and she had scratched out my number, to where it looked like she just drew a black square. It's like im the detective and when I look down to my walky talkyto call it in, and then she throws the dead body she killed, into a woodchipper.
Ms. Cochran - "I didn't hear her and there is no number. Your lying. Now sit down or you will have lunch detention."
Me - "O.k. I have been threatened AFTER SCHOOL DETENTION for whispering. I sit in the back. She sits straight in front of you. YOU HEARD HER."
Ms. Cochran - "I didn't hear her. Now sit down."
Me - *Turns around to the class* "O.K. if you heard her say 'F Off!' to me, raise your hand.
Class - *Everybody raises hands.*
Ms. Cochran - "SIT DOWN NOW."
I sat down but I didn't stop arguing until the bell rang for us to go home. Then I talked to Johnny Cochran outside. "Don't lie. You heard her say that. If I said that I would be in the office in a New York Minute." I said. "I don't have to send people to the office if I don't want to." She said.
I'm telling the principle tomorrow. Part 2 tomorrow.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
BRITNEY RAYE HAMLIN:D
She is so cool. She is like really funny and amazingly good at being my friend.
she has 2 blogs and they are VERY awesome. They are as awesome as Paramore, Cher, Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift , the Dixie Chicks and Ke$ha put together. well. not that awesome. But like as awesome as an Elephant or something. And elephants are awesome.
Well Al Pacino had an orgasm on the bus.
Let me ellaborate. A girl bit him. Yeah not hit, or kissed. BIT. He got extremely turned on or something and he was telling me and Britney about it and it was awkward. Then he started complaining on how his thumb is like numb where he got bit. W.T.F.
Vampires? Yes most likely, the girl who bit him was a Vampire.
The day before he was trying to ask Britney to hang out this weekend and I got 10 feet behind him and was flailing my arms all around and jumping and mouthing "NO. NOOO. NOOOOOOOO! For the love of god say no!" She almost started laughing but managed to come up with a lie along the lines of "uhhmmm I have....um I......I'm grounded. And my aunt shirly died and we have to cremate her and flush her down the toilet and my family has to celebrate early thanks...giving. So...I'm...........kind of swamped.... *~*" BAHAHHAHAHAH
I learned from one of Britney's blogs that after I went off on him, Al Pacino was talking all kindsa shadoobee saying "You should've seen it. I wish he had hit me I would've killed him! bahahahah!"
-__- *sigh* Monday should be fun.
OMG. I almost forgot to say what her 2 blogs are called!
http://briimurder.blogspot.com/
http://musicgameslove.blogspot.com/
And please excuse her profile picture. It is just like a really bad pic! She is actually super pretty! hahahah. Sorry that sounded stalkerish.
she has 2 blogs and they are VERY awesome. They are as awesome as Paramore, Cher, Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift , the Dixie Chicks and Ke$ha put together. well. not that awesome. But like as awesome as an Elephant or something. And elephants are awesome.
Well Al Pacino had an orgasm on the bus.
Let me ellaborate. A girl bit him. Yeah not hit, or kissed. BIT. He got extremely turned on or something and he was telling me and Britney about it and it was awkward. Then he started complaining on how his thumb is like numb where he got bit. W.T.F.
Vampires? Yes most likely, the girl who bit him was a Vampire.
The day before he was trying to ask Britney to hang out this weekend and I got 10 feet behind him and was flailing my arms all around and jumping and mouthing "NO. NOOO. NOOOOOOOO! For the love of god say no!" She almost started laughing but managed to come up with a lie along the lines of "uhhmmm I have....um I......I'm grounded. And my aunt shirly died and we have to cremate her and flush her down the toilet and my family has to celebrate early thanks...giving. So...I'm...........kind of swamped.... *~*" BAHAHHAHAHAH
I learned from one of Britney's blogs that after I went off on him, Al Pacino was talking all kindsa shadoobee saying "You should've seen it. I wish he had hit me I would've killed him! bahahahah!"
-__- *sigh* Monday should be fun.
OMG. I almost forgot to say what her 2 blogs are called!
http://briimurder.blogspot.com/
http://musicgameslove.blogspot.com/
And please excuse her profile picture. It is just like a really bad pic! She is actually super pretty! hahahah. Sorry that sounded stalkerish.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Mexican Gang Memeber Being mean and Teachers Cussing. O yeah and K Fed.
Sorry that I didn't post monday! I procrastinate.
I few days ago I came into to school late. by literally 2 milliseconds. Well Mr. al pacino over here decides to make it clear to the whole class...that I'm late...by two milliseconds.
Al Pacino - "YOUR LATE!!!!!"
Me - "Your moms late."
Al Pacino - "YOUR PUBERTY'S LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
....... -_ -........ This guy is ridiculous. There were so many things I could've said. He has a scar on his face that makes me think he was recently been jumped out of a gang or just got in one. He once told me a very disturbing and graphic story about him getting laid, that was VERY involuntary. I would write about it, but it is disturbing. Anyway I thought karma would get back at him. So wierdly...I let him get away with this.
Me - "Watch it asshole."
That was unlike me. He was lucky.
Later in the period I was a lot more mad. The whole "karma" thing passed. I was pissed. I was pissed that I missed my last chance to kick some ass. I was not going to miss it the next time. He started to ask the art teacher if his clay animal sculpture could have three legs. Both me and the teacher thought that was a stupid question and I said under my breath "Stupid." Scarface decided to come up with the most original insult anyone has ever said to me.
Al Pacino - "Yeah...well...YOUR GAY."
*hehaha! oooooh he is gonna die.*
Me - "Really? Did you just call me gay right now? Really?"
Al Pacino - "yep really!"
*This angers me. Time to emo screamo this bitch.*
Me in emo/screamo voice - "OH HELLNO! REALLY? no, really. Are you seriously calling me gay right now? What the hell? You do realize I will KILL you right? Couldn't you come up with something a little bit more..mmhh idaknow...ORIGINAL!??!?Youknow what 'Al Pacino' at least I don't have a scar on my face the size of Manhatten. Back The F off and go take a shower you smelly idiot. I will elbow you in the face."
Meanwhile during my fit of rage the art teacher is screaming almost as loud as me "CALM DOWN NOW!" When I finally got all my anger out, the teacher was all like "AL PACINO TO THE OFFICE." Then he called the office and said "Hey I just sent Al Pacino to the office. Yeah he just called ANOTHER kid gay again."
He took me out into the Hallway and said LITERALLY these words.
Teacher - "*sighs* look....I'm sick of that shit too but...."
My exact face - . ______________________ .
Teacher - "DAYAUM DUUUUDE!!!!! you gatta calm down!"
*20 second later...*
Me - "ummmmmmmm...ok. Can I go to the restroom?
after he said yes I hightailed it to the restrooom. After I got done laughing, I realized I was pissed. I was pissed at Al pacino and his mafia crew and his ugly dumb face. His dumby dumby dumb dumb head. I came back to the class and the teacher asked me to go to the office to fill out some forms or something. Strange.
I get there and I am sent in a room with Al Pacino and the vp.
I should've known. It was a trap.
I sat down and I was thinking "What the heyal?" Al started saying I called him a retarded and a stinky mexican and all this bullcrap. I didn't even get to tell my side of the story but the VP was all like "Yall don't know what happened to eachother. So you can't be bullies."
Ok let me just stop this right there. There is a difference between being a BULLY and being like me. Ok? A BULLY, is somebody that insults innocent people, like me, and tries to destroy every ounce of this person's confidence to where they explode and embarrass themselves in front of a WHOLE CLASSROOM. BULLYING is where you are such an asshole, that they drive you to stand up for yourself and end up getting hurt by somebody 10x their size. BULLYING is where you turn your victims into either a battered housewife or into somebody like me. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who makes smart and funny retorts against a BULLY. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who has to keep explaining to neanderthals, that it IS infact possible a STRAIGHT person can think gays should have rights. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who is sent to the office, detention etc, for doing something to stand up for themselves. SOMEBODY LIKE ME defends innocent people against bullies. SOMEBODY LIKE ME never NEVER makes fun of innocent people. PEOPLE LIKE ME make fun of bullies. Bullies and people like me, are COMPLETE opposites.
I was forced to shake the jerk's hand, and say freaking sorry. I left the room steaming. I literallly went around the other side of the school as not to come in contact with Al Pacino. This was a sad day for people like me.
Later in the day,it turns out Mr. Pacino decided to tell K Fed about this. HIS version. HIS STUPID version. I was walking down the stairs on my way to my next class. For some reason the hallway was empty. As if it were an old western showdown. I hear K Feds blackccent say to me "Mess with my boy again, and you won' be able to mess with another person again." A tumbleweed crossed inbetween us.
Me - *turns around viciously.* Excuse me?"
K Fed - "You heard me bitch."
I actually do call him K Fed. Not just in the blog.
Me - "O.k. You don't know me so I am going to give you one chance to turn around and go the opposite direction."
K Fed - "I ain't scared."
Me - "Listen up K Fed. You have NO right to fuck with me. I have never done anything to you. You do not know the whole story. Even if you did you probably wouldn't even understand it, do to the fact that you have the IQ of Hitler. Your 'BOY' was the one messing with me. He is as big an asshole as your prison record. BACK OFF and goodbye. oh, and by the way K Fed, drop the blackccent. You live in friggin Azle Tx. Not Brooklyn."
K Fed - " Yea well y-"
Me - "Shut up bastard."
He is fricken scary as that Mel Gison audiotape, so I had a mini-seizure when I turned around.
Kevin Constien can you come to school with me so you can be like my bodyguard. I could really use a 6ft tall dude with muscles the size of Alaska on my side the rest if the year.
I few days ago I came into to school late. by literally 2 milliseconds. Well Mr. al pacino over here decides to make it clear to the whole class...that I'm late...by two milliseconds.
Al Pacino - "YOUR LATE!!!!!"
Me - "Your moms late."
Al Pacino - "YOUR PUBERTY'S LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
....... -_ -........ This guy is ridiculous. There were so many things I could've said. He has a scar on his face that makes me think he was recently been jumped out of a gang or just got in one. He once told me a very disturbing and graphic story about him getting laid, that was VERY involuntary. I would write about it, but it is disturbing. Anyway I thought karma would get back at him. So wierdly...I let him get away with this.
Me - "Watch it asshole."
That was unlike me. He was lucky.
Later in the period I was a lot more mad. The whole "karma" thing passed. I was pissed. I was pissed that I missed my last chance to kick some ass. I was not going to miss it the next time. He started to ask the art teacher if his clay animal sculpture could have three legs. Both me and the teacher thought that was a stupid question and I said under my breath "Stupid." Scarface decided to come up with the most original insult anyone has ever said to me.
Al Pacino - "Yeah...well...YOUR GAY."
*hehaha! oooooh he is gonna die.*
Me - "Really? Did you just call me gay right now? Really?"
Al Pacino - "yep really!"
*This angers me. Time to emo screamo this bitch.*
Me in emo/screamo voice - "OH HELLNO! REALLY? no, really. Are you seriously calling me gay right now? What the hell? You do realize I will KILL you right? Couldn't you come up with something a little bit more..mmhh idaknow...ORIGINAL!??!?Youknow what 'Al Pacino' at least I don't have a scar on my face the size of Manhatten. Back The F off and go take a shower you smelly idiot. I will elbow you in the face."
Meanwhile during my fit of rage the art teacher is screaming almost as loud as me "CALM DOWN NOW!" When I finally got all my anger out, the teacher was all like "AL PACINO TO THE OFFICE." Then he called the office and said "Hey I just sent Al Pacino to the office. Yeah he just called ANOTHER kid gay again."
He took me out into the Hallway and said LITERALLY these words.
Teacher - "*sighs* look....I'm sick of that shit too but...."
My exact face - . ______________________ .
Teacher - "DAYAUM DUUUUDE!!!!! you gatta calm down!"
*20 second later...*
Me - "ummmmmmmm...ok. Can I go to the restroom?
after he said yes I hightailed it to the restrooom. After I got done laughing, I realized I was pissed. I was pissed at Al pacino and his mafia crew and his ugly dumb face. His dumby dumby dumb dumb head. I came back to the class and the teacher asked me to go to the office to fill out some forms or something. Strange.
I get there and I am sent in a room with Al Pacino and the vp.
I should've known. It was a trap.
I sat down and I was thinking "What the heyal?" Al started saying I called him a retarded and a stinky mexican and all this bullcrap. I didn't even get to tell my side of the story but the VP was all like "Yall don't know what happened to eachother. So you can't be bullies."
Ok let me just stop this right there. There is a difference between being a BULLY and being like me. Ok? A BULLY, is somebody that insults innocent people, like me, and tries to destroy every ounce of this person's confidence to where they explode and embarrass themselves in front of a WHOLE CLASSROOM. BULLYING is where you are such an asshole, that they drive you to stand up for yourself and end up getting hurt by somebody 10x their size. BULLYING is where you turn your victims into either a battered housewife or into somebody like me. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who makes smart and funny retorts against a BULLY. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who has to keep explaining to neanderthals, that it IS infact possible a STRAIGHT person can think gays should have rights. SOMEBODY LIKE ME is a person who is sent to the office, detention etc, for doing something to stand up for themselves. SOMEBODY LIKE ME defends innocent people against bullies. SOMEBODY LIKE ME never NEVER makes fun of innocent people. PEOPLE LIKE ME make fun of bullies. Bullies and people like me, are COMPLETE opposites.
I was forced to shake the jerk's hand, and say freaking sorry. I left the room steaming. I literallly went around the other side of the school as not to come in contact with Al Pacino. This was a sad day for people like me.
Later in the day,it turns out Mr. Pacino decided to tell K Fed about this. HIS version. HIS STUPID version. I was walking down the stairs on my way to my next class. For some reason the hallway was empty. As if it were an old western showdown. I hear K Feds blackccent say to me "Mess with my boy again, and you won' be able to mess with another person again." A tumbleweed crossed inbetween us.
Me - *turns around viciously.* Excuse me?"
K Fed - "You heard me bitch."
I actually do call him K Fed. Not just in the blog.
Me - "O.k. You don't know me so I am going to give you one chance to turn around and go the opposite direction."
K Fed - "I ain't scared."
Me - "Listen up K Fed. You have NO right to fuck with me. I have never done anything to you. You do not know the whole story. Even if you did you probably wouldn't even understand it, do to the fact that you have the IQ of Hitler. Your 'BOY' was the one messing with me. He is as big an asshole as your prison record. BACK OFF and goodbye. oh, and by the way K Fed, drop the blackccent. You live in friggin Azle Tx. Not Brooklyn."
K Fed - " Yea well y-"
Me - "Shut up bastard."
He is fricken scary as that Mel Gison audiotape, so I had a mini-seizure when I turned around.
Kevin Constien can you come to school with me so you can be like my bodyguard. I could really use a 6ft tall dude with muscles the size of Alaska on my side the rest if the year.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
oh facebook.
I don't know about you, but I love getting in fights on facebook, through texts, or phone calls. It is really a good time. I took the liberty of posting one of my favorites.
This facebook conversation happened back in september 2010.
Friend 1 - I'm officially deleting Andrew. I am sick of his game posts! Who is with me!
Me - Hahahah I will friend him just to unfriend him!
Friend 1 - That is the way to do it! Woop!
Friend 2 - Not even friends with him!
*now this is where it gets good.*
*insert name here* - Yall need to be nice. He is still a human and has feelings just like yall. I don't like him so don't get any ideas but he is still my friend.
* ok i am sorry but when you have to state "i dont like him" you probably do.*
Me - Omg *name* honestly take a chill pill. Seriously your ridiculous ...and not in a good way...
*insert name here*- and you honestly think i care what you say mark i think not.
Friend 1 - Now *name* ..... Andrew is a jerk this year
Me - *name* you are such a bitch! Really I was Just suggesting you not to take things so seriously and not to be such an effin buzzkill. But if you want to be a bitch to me then ill be one to you!
*Name* - two wrongs dont make a right! and mark i really dont care what you say about me. I guess i grew up and decided to be the bigger person. WWJD
Friend 3 - ohhhhhhhh snapadoodle doo!
Friend 1 - lol
*if she thought i was going to take this lying down, she was surely mistaken.*
Me - What would JESUS do? is that what you said to me? Please don't pull the religious thing on me! Here is what I do.....WWMD....WHAT WOULD MARK DO! You know what i would do? I would say yes you are the bigger person... literally.
Peaceout.
P.s. Get a breast reduction surgery. You look tittytarded.
Friend 1 - Omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaaaa
Friend 3 - Hahahahahahahaahah omg omg omg
Friend 1 - IkIk,, im dying!!!!!!!!!! Tittytrtd haha!
* i just thought of a nickname*
Titty tard - I'm also skinnier then you fatty and your a fag for looking at them. Obviously you like it if your looking at them. ... just saying.
Friend 1 - You tell him.
Titty Tard - I will! Believe me.
Me - OMYLANTA! IM A FAG FOR LOOKING AT BOOBS. HMMMMM OK. o and yea it was mpossible to stop looking. Omg you were so tall and fat that when i sood at arms length toward you, they were hitting me in the eye!! One was always like giving me a black eye and the other was like over your shoulder! Do you know how tramatizing that is? by the way....eat a gd carrot you fat homophobe.
Titty Tard - You need to stop talking about yourself like that! it lowers youre self esteem.. oh wait i forgot you dont have one.. and honestly youre the one who could use a salad every once in a while. ill go ahead and call jeny kraig for you.
Me - ......Really..... My self esteem that is what you are going to attack? Owwwwww that really hurts. By the way im using a sarcastic tone,k. And how do I not have any self esteem? Huh?GIVE ME 2 good examples .And by the way those Jenny Craig comercials make the food look delicious so thank you for ordering the food for me.
Friend 1 - :€
Friend 3 - Wow nuggets
*Several. Hours. Later.*
Me - No repsonse? Hmmm I think I won this fight. TALK TO YOU LATA TITTYTARD
Titty Tard - Sorry. i actually have something to work for in my life so i actually care about school. and obviously you have no self esteem if youre just gonna attack me! and there you go again with my boobs... you must really like them...
*what the hell. She is crazy. Did i even say anything about school. She thinks she soooooo SMART! oooooooou she is so big and bad. Rediculous.*
Me - Actually I'm passing everything at school with flying colors. And I was trying to end this conversation because I want the last word you idiot And yes I did say something about yur boobs because they look ridiculous. By the way im more talented then you.
Friend 2 - Happy birthday *name*
.............PFFTTTTAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OMFG. That is priceless! It was her birthday. Omg this poor woman. hahah! Thats just horrible and funny all at the same time. Just thought this was perfect for FSC.
By the way sorry I haven't been updating latley. I think im gona start making posts on monday and friday and maybe on saturday or sunday! K see yall later!
This facebook conversation happened back in september 2010.
Friend 1 - I'm officially deleting Andrew. I am sick of his game posts! Who is with me!
Me - Hahahah I will friend him just to unfriend him!
Friend 1 - That is the way to do it! Woop!
Friend 2 - Not even friends with him!
*now this is where it gets good.*
*insert name here* - Yall need to be nice. He is still a human and has feelings just like yall. I don't like him so don't get any ideas but he is still my friend.
* ok i am sorry but when you have to state "i dont like him" you probably do.*
Me - Omg *name* honestly take a chill pill. Seriously your ridiculous ...and not in a good way...
*insert name here*- and you honestly think i care what you say mark i think not.
Friend 1 - Now *name* ..... Andrew is a jerk this year
Me - *name* you are such a bitch! Really I was Just suggesting you not to take things so seriously and not to be such an effin buzzkill. But if you want to be a bitch to me then ill be one to you!
*Name* - two wrongs dont make a right! and mark i really dont care what you say about me. I guess i grew up and decided to be the bigger person. WWJD
Friend 3 - ohhhhhhhh snapadoodle doo!
Friend 1 - lol
*if she thought i was going to take this lying down, she was surely mistaken.*
Me - What would JESUS do? is that what you said to me? Please don't pull the religious thing on me! Here is what I do.....WWMD....WHAT WOULD MARK DO! You know what i would do? I would say yes you are the bigger person... literally.
Peaceout.
P.s. Get a breast reduction surgery. You look tittytarded.
Friend 1 - Omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaaaa
Friend 3 - Hahahahahahahaahah omg omg omg
Friend 1 - IkIk,, im dying!!!!!!!!!! Tittytrtd haha!
* i just thought of a nickname*
Titty tard - I'm also skinnier then you fatty and your a fag for looking at them. Obviously you like it if your looking at them. ... just saying.
Friend 1 - You tell him.
Titty Tard - I will! Believe me.
Me - OMYLANTA! IM A FAG FOR LOOKING AT BOOBS. HMMMMM OK. o and yea it was mpossible to stop looking. Omg you were so tall and fat that when i sood at arms length toward you, they were hitting me in the eye!! One was always like giving me a black eye and the other was like over your shoulder! Do you know how tramatizing that is? by the way....eat a gd carrot you fat homophobe.
Titty Tard - You need to stop talking about yourself like that! it lowers youre self esteem.. oh wait i forgot you dont have one.. and honestly youre the one who could use a salad every once in a while. ill go ahead and call jeny kraig for you.
Me - ......Really..... My self esteem that is what you are going to attack? Owwwwww that really hurts. By the way im using a sarcastic tone,k. And how do I not have any self esteem? Huh?GIVE ME 2 good examples .And by the way those Jenny Craig comercials make the food look delicious so thank you for ordering the food for me.
Friend 1 - :€
Friend 3 - Wow nuggets
*Several. Hours. Later.*
Me - No repsonse? Hmmm I think I won this fight. TALK TO YOU LATA TITTYTARD
Titty Tard - Sorry. i actually have something to work for in my life so i actually care about school. and obviously you have no self esteem if youre just gonna attack me! and there you go again with my boobs... you must really like them...
*what the hell. She is crazy. Did i even say anything about school. She thinks she soooooo SMART! oooooooou she is so big and bad. Rediculous.*
Me - Actually I'm passing everything at school with flying colors. And I was trying to end this conversation because I want the last word you idiot And yes I did say something about yur boobs because they look ridiculous. By the way im more talented then you.
Friend 2 - Happy birthday *name*
.............PFFTTTTAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OMFG. That is priceless! It was her birthday. Omg this poor woman. hahah! Thats just horrible and funny all at the same time. Just thought this was perfect for FSC.
By the way sorry I haven't been updating latley. I think im gona start making posts on monday and friday and maybe on saturday or sunday! K see yall later!
Monday, November 29, 2010
food is my love
Lately I've had a love/hate/no carb left behind diet.
My friend at school was messing with google while we were in the computer lab. She accidently typed in 3. One of the search suggestions was "3 DAY DIET". Obviously her only choice was to click on it and she did. She decided to print it out and I said "Your stupid. Your going to give up the moment you see the word 'carrot', and even if you did finish, you won't lose any weight!"
Later at home, I walked in to the restroom to pee my urine out. I found myself playing drums....with my stomach. This has happened on several occasions, but I've ignored it. I realized today that I don't enjoy being a fat lard named Trey. (Tip of the hat Amanda Sheerer.)
To think anyone, let alone myself, could get to this point of 2 stomachs and a small ,yet there, set of manboobs, really disturbed me. What have I turned out to be. I don't want to be the fat kid that eats his feelings and gets bullied by the dude with a strong jaw, good hairline, and the abs of Jesus. I want to be the "Ashton Kutcher", if you will, of my school. So I went to the computer and Googled "3 day diet for a Fat-Ass".
The following is what I am eating for the next 3 days:
The 3 Day Diet meal plan:
Day 1
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1/2 grapefruit or juice
1 piece toast with 1 tablespoon peanut butter
Lunch
1/2 cup tuna
1 piece toast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
Dinner
3 ounces any lean meat or chicken
1 cup green beans
1 cup carrots
1 apple
1 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 2
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 egg
1/2 banana
1 piece toast
Lunch
1 cup cottage cheese or tuna
8 regular saltine crackers
Dinner
2 beef franks
1 cup broccoli or cabbage
1/2 cup carrots
1/2 banana
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 3
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
5 regular saltine crackers
1 ounce cheddar cheese
1 apple
Lunch
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 boiled egg
1 piece toast
Dinner
1 cup tuna
1 cup carrots
1 cup cauliflower
1 cup melon
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
In addition to its strict daily food prescription, dieters drink 4 cups of water or noncaloric drinks daily.
I don't have half of that stuff at home but, the website said I'd lose at most 10 pounds. So after school me and my mom are going to walmart. To be honest the moment I saw "carrot", and "cauliflower" I smurfed a brick. But I'm putting my foot down. I just will not allow myself to eat what I want. I know you think I'm making a big deal over 3 days, but to me "3 days of health food." sounds like "Not eating anything but 1 cup of water PER DAY, and whenever you feel like your about to faint, eat a deer dropping."
My friend at school was messing with google while we were in the computer lab. She accidently typed in 3. One of the search suggestions was "3 DAY DIET". Obviously her only choice was to click on it and she did. She decided to print it out and I said "Your stupid. Your going to give up the moment you see the word 'carrot', and even if you did finish, you won't lose any weight!"
Later at home, I walked in to the restroom to pee my urine out. I found myself playing drums....with my stomach. This has happened on several occasions, but I've ignored it. I realized today that I don't enjoy being a fat lard named Trey. (Tip of the hat Amanda Sheerer.)
To think anyone, let alone myself, could get to this point of 2 stomachs and a small ,yet there, set of manboobs, really disturbed me. What have I turned out to be. I don't want to be the fat kid that eats his feelings and gets bullied by the dude with a strong jaw, good hairline, and the abs of Jesus. I want to be the "Ashton Kutcher", if you will, of my school. So I went to the computer and Googled "3 day diet for a Fat-Ass".
The following is what I am eating for the next 3 days:
The 3 Day Diet meal plan:
Day 1
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1/2 grapefruit or juice
1 piece toast with 1 tablespoon peanut butter
Lunch
1/2 cup tuna
1 piece toast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
Dinner
3 ounces any lean meat or chicken
1 cup green beans
1 cup carrots
1 apple
1 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 2
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 egg
1/2 banana
1 piece toast
Lunch
1 cup cottage cheese or tuna
8 regular saltine crackers
Dinner
2 beef franks
1 cup broccoli or cabbage
1/2 cup carrots
1/2 banana
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 3
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
5 regular saltine crackers
1 ounce cheddar cheese
1 apple
Lunch
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 boiled egg
1 piece toast
Dinner
1 cup tuna
1 cup carrots
1 cup cauliflower
1 cup melon
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
In addition to its strict daily food prescription, dieters drink 4 cups of water or noncaloric drinks daily.
I don't have half of that stuff at home but, the website said I'd lose at most 10 pounds. So after school me and my mom are going to walmart. To be honest the moment I saw "carrot", and "cauliflower" I smurfed a brick. But I'm putting my foot down. I just will not allow myself to eat what I want. I know you think I'm making a big deal over 3 days, but to me "3 days of health food." sounds like "Not eating anything but 1 cup of water PER DAY, and whenever you feel like your about to faint, eat a deer dropping."
Monday, November 22, 2010
Movie Theater Fight Club
Holy Birth Canal you guys...I saw something friday that i hav been waiting to happen every time i go out in public. You guys people almost died. well not really but crap got intense. Me and my father went to see the 7th installment of Harry Potter.
One of the more intense scenes when Harry Potter was getting eaten by an anaconda the size of gods mansion, the snake popped towards the screen. At that moment the dude infront of the guy to my left, who apparently was taking a sip of his drink, freaked the freak out and threw his cup o' soda all over the dude next to me. The FULL cup of soda went only on him projectile style. I immeadiately started laughing harder then when i watch animal hoarders. The dude next to me (lets call him michael vick) face turned dark red. we will also call the thrower Clay Aiken. now i cant repeat the EXACT WORDS he said but you will get the idea.
Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING KIDDING ME????
Clay Aiken - no...*tears fall*
Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING SMURFING ME!!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?
Clay Aiken - dude it was an accident...shanking chill.
holy birthcanal. i live for this crap. this was amazing! i was begging god for this to get physical. i was singing in my mind "i wanna get physical PHYSICAL lemme hear ya body talk! BODY TALK!!" i already had to pee. this made a bead of pee come out of my bladder. it was hilarious and probably the best moment of my life.
One of the more intense scenes when Harry Potter was getting eaten by an anaconda the size of gods mansion, the snake popped towards the screen. At that moment the dude infront of the guy to my left, who apparently was taking a sip of his drink, freaked the freak out and threw his cup o' soda all over the dude next to me. The FULL cup of soda went only on him projectile style. I immeadiately started laughing harder then when i watch animal hoarders. The dude next to me (lets call him michael vick) face turned dark red. we will also call the thrower Clay Aiken. now i cant repeat the EXACT WORDS he said but you will get the idea.
Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING KIDDING ME????
Clay Aiken - no...*tears fall*
Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING SMURFING ME!!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?
Clay Aiken - dude it was an accident...shanking chill.
holy birthcanal. i live for this crap. this was amazing! i was begging god for this to get physical. i was singing in my mind "i wanna get physical PHYSICAL lemme hear ya body talk! BODY TALK!!" i already had to pee. this made a bead of pee come out of my bladder. it was hilarious and probably the best moment of my life.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
50th blog post amazingness!
Well it's happened. With your help we have done it. 50 posts. I couldn't have done this without you. there is something i would like to say. THANKYOU.
ive realized ive lost touch with my roots. i mean my first blog posts were really good. lately ive hit rock bottom. have u counted all the F bombs? I am SO SORRY. I've realized a really GOOD F bomb comes when you hardly ever use it. when you use it ALL the time, it loses shock value and isnt as special. I recently went to rehab and im BACK. IM YOUNG, SINGLE, AND READY TO MINGLE! So for the next paragraph im going to go back and do the kind of humor I used to do. clean.
LUDACRIS
If you are a hard-core "mark-addict" then you know how much i dislike him. I recently realized he is in the song "yeah" by Usher. HOLY GOD. he has NO talent whatsoever. he sound like a constipated Gorilla. Behind Usher's smooth nice voice, you will hear "YEARHA YEARHA YEARHA! IM IN ANUSHA SONG BABY! BY THE WAY MY EX-GIRLFRIEND HATES STARBUCKS!" its funny how he tries so hard and fails epically.
I still can not get over how completely horrible he is in that Justin Bieber song "BABY!" Luckily J beebz, for what i know, has listened and stopped any and all contact with him. and look at what has happend. a VMA, he has a book out, and a movie coming out in febuary. I look foward to dropping a single with him and Ke$ha.
DRUNK TEACHERS
One of my teachers, we will call her "mel g", has gotten a little "drunk" lately (allegedly) and went on a rampage targeted towards me.
the reason i think she is a drunk, is i saw her at brookshires, with 2 bottles of wine. lives alone and is divorced, and has i can see crazy in her eye.....hmmmmmm
Mel g gave her class a paper that was called "RANDOM FACTS"(yeah she tries hard) One of the questions was like "hopes and dreams for this school". you were supposed to put five but i could only think of two. i put down Good grades and new friends. she didnt like this and was all up i n my face yelling "FINISH IT" I said I dont know what to put though" "QUIT WHINING BABY!"
whoa... did she just insult me? all of these things just popped in to my head. things like "yea OK boozer. you smell like mel gibson."
i jst said " but i need help." ( i played victim) "OK THENI GUESS YOULL SIGHN THE BOOK! (the book is a nazi way of torchering us that when we sighn it we can like be sent to hell for the day.) i said "no please i just need help!" "OK THEN D SLIP!" was she serious? "what?" "IF YOU HAVE NO HOPES AND DREAMS, THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE MISERABLE! TO THE OFFICE" who is she to do that! i had nothing to lose so i yelled "I DONT HAVE ANY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THIS SCHOOL, BECAUSE WHEN YOU NEED HELP, YOU GET SENT TO THE OFFICE!!!!" then i walked to the office.
that was where i gave our little nugget principle, a oscar worthy cry, and he ended up being angry at mel g.
mark - 1
boozer- 0
ive realized ive lost touch with my roots. i mean my first blog posts were really good. lately ive hit rock bottom. have u counted all the F bombs? I am SO SORRY. I've realized a really GOOD F bomb comes when you hardly ever use it. when you use it ALL the time, it loses shock value and isnt as special. I recently went to rehab and im BACK. IM YOUNG, SINGLE, AND READY TO MINGLE! So for the next paragraph im going to go back and do the kind of humor I used to do. clean.
LUDACRIS
If you are a hard-core "mark-addict" then you know how much i dislike him. I recently realized he is in the song "yeah" by Usher. HOLY GOD. he has NO talent whatsoever. he sound like a constipated Gorilla. Behind Usher's smooth nice voice, you will hear "YEARHA YEARHA YEARHA! IM IN ANUSHA SONG BABY! BY THE WAY MY EX-GIRLFRIEND HATES STARBUCKS!" its funny how he tries so hard and fails epically.
I still can not get over how completely horrible he is in that Justin Bieber song "BABY!" Luckily J beebz, for what i know, has listened and stopped any and all contact with him. and look at what has happend. a VMA, he has a book out, and a movie coming out in febuary. I look foward to dropping a single with him and Ke$ha.
DRUNK TEACHERS
One of my teachers, we will call her "mel g", has gotten a little "drunk" lately (allegedly) and went on a rampage targeted towards me.
the reason i think she is a drunk, is i saw her at brookshires, with 2 bottles of wine. lives alone and is divorced, and has i can see crazy in her eye.....hmmmmmm
Mel g gave her class a paper that was called "RANDOM FACTS"(yeah she tries hard) One of the questions was like "hopes and dreams for this school". you were supposed to put five but i could only think of two. i put down Good grades and new friends. she didnt like this and was all up i n my face yelling "FINISH IT" I said I dont know what to put though" "QUIT WHINING BABY!"
whoa... did she just insult me? all of these things just popped in to my head. things like "yea OK boozer. you smell like mel gibson."
i jst said " but i need help." ( i played victim) "OK THENI GUESS YOULL SIGHN THE BOOK! (the book is a nazi way of torchering us that when we sighn it we can like be sent to hell for the day.) i said "no please i just need help!" "OK THEN D SLIP!" was she serious? "what?" "IF YOU HAVE NO HOPES AND DREAMS, THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE MISERABLE! TO THE OFFICE" who is she to do that! i had nothing to lose so i yelled "I DONT HAVE ANY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THIS SCHOOL, BECAUSE WHEN YOU NEED HELP, YOU GET SENT TO THE OFFICE!!!!" then i walked to the office.
that was where i gave our little nugget principle, a oscar worthy cry, and he ended up being angry at mel g.
mark - 1
boozer- 0
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