Right before lunch ended, the principal said "ATTENTION! All girls may go outside for the remainder of lunch, and boys, we get have a little conversation,"
I swear to God, I thought I was going to piss myself, because I was so nervous.
I knew I didn't do anything wrong, so I had nothing to be nervous about, but I was nervous, nevertheless.
I don't know why I get nervous like this, but it always happens. It's kind of like how I get nervous around cops, because I'm afraid that they are going to arrest me for......never doing anything illegal, ever.
I looked around the table I was sitting at. It was all girls. I was going to be alone when this happened, alone with every 8th grade boy in school.
This is my worst nightmare.
The only people, who bully me at school, are boys.
I was surrounded by my oppressors.
"In the past week, I have had 3 separate cases of girls coming into my office, saying that a boy touched them in inappropriately," said the principal. "Oh, Jesus," I moaned aloud. The principal continued on with his well practiced speech. "If you harass a girl, you WILL be put in sac or AEP or suspended." His country drawl seemed to be even more concentrated as he spoke.
Our school principal is what I like to call an “Almost Nugget” He isn’t quite a midget, but he is shorter than the average male, and he is extremely obese. This combined with his accent, make him the cutest thing that I have ever seen, and have made him my favorite school principal.
“If a girl comes to me saying this, I will not ask questions. You will be punished severely” He was getting angry, and his face was turning red. I was scared that his poor little almost nugget body couldn’t take the stress. I though on several occasions that I would have to fake AIDs to get the attention off of the poor guy.
“I don’t care if you touched her, looked at her strangely, invaded her space, or sent her inappropriate texts.” This set me beside myself. The fact that I was classified with a group of people, who could do that, appalled me. I do not sext. I do not pext. I do not bext. A.) That’s fucking gross. B.) I would be too afraid that the phone company could see what I was texting. C.) With my luck the pictures would start to circulate when I am on the height of blog superstardom.
I almost started screaming, “I’m sorry, but does this even apply to me. I’m Mark Burrows Goodnight. I’m smart. Also, I’m scorching, and the ladies come to me.” Seriously, that is gross. My ears, my choice, dude. I don’t need to be hearing this shit.
Since when is it okay to talk to kids about these things.
I deem subjects like this to be wildly inappropriate for our age group.
Where is the FCC when you need them, damn it?
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