It's been a while.

I really have meant to post more stuff, but I am a level 80 procrastinator. I'll post tomorrow about how ridiculous high school is tomorrow.

BE PREPARED.

School.

School is tomorrow and I do not want to go. Summer went by too fast....as always.
And this isn't just school anymore; It's HIGH SCHOOL.
And for those of you who say "Oh high school isn't as bad as junior. It's the time of your life. It's fantastic. High school is what you make it."

NO BITCH. I know how it is. I've seen Mean Girls. I know what cliques there are going to be. I'm either going to be a plastic, or I'm going to be eating in the bathroom stall.

I might make my own group, that is actually called The Plastics. It'll consist of the Queen Bee, the follower, and the idiot.
Let's see....
Well, obviously I'm going to be Regina, the Queen Bee.
Britney can be Gretchen Weiners.
Now who shall be Karen, the idiot..... Wow, now that I think about it, Britney is my only friend who doesn't annoy me.
Justice could be the third, but she's not an idiot and she doesn't annoy me....and she's a lot cooler than me.
Maybe Rachel could be the third, she's pretty dumb.
Ashleigh would probably be it, but she's been annoying me lately
I'd consider Sonja but she is actually a lot smarter than people think, she just always seems high.

Whatever, I'll figure it out.
I just don't want to show up to school, and get drenched with pig blood.

Ugh I just realized I have to go to bed at 10:30 and get up at 6:50
I DON'T WANNA. I DON'T WANNA.

Petrificus Totalus, PSYCHO!

Last night, I was on my computer, when I heard the back door of my house slam. 


Because I’m the most paranoid person on the face of the earth, my mind went straight to the most logical explanation: There is a murderer in my house, I am in a horror movie, and I am going to die now.

I have seen enough horror movies to know that it is never good to be alone, so I hightailed it to my mom’s room. On my sprint there, I realized that my father, who had fallen asleep on the couch hours earlier, was now gone. The only logical explanation was obviously this: My father has been murdered by Ghostface, the killer from the Scream franchise, and lynched with his internal organs spilling out, like Drew Barrymore in the beginning of Scream 1.

This made me run even faster towards my mother’s room, like Lil’ Wayne does when he sees a KFC at 9:55 P.M., and KFC closes at 10:00 P.M., Oh no!

I got to my mother’s room and shook her awake like Jodi Foster did Kristen Stewart in Panic Room, after seeing through the security cameras in her panic room, that there were people in her freaking house.

My mother was filled with terror, or lack thereof. She looked like I had just told her that I had to pee, because that’s probably what she heard, due to her still being half asleep when I told her.

I heard the door slam again. Did I dare to open the door and see the man I knew would murder me? I wasn't going down without a fight.

I bravely opened the door like tiger ready to pounce on it’s prey.

What did I see, you ask? A man in a Ghostface costume? A man with a scar on his face, given to him by his abusive father at the age of four, after spilling paint in the garage?

No.

I saw my dad, in his boxers and nothing else. “Did you get him?” I asked. “Get who? Go to bed! Isn't it like four in the morning?” I took a moment to collect myself after thinking about how George in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One had said the word "Morning", after seeing his sister, Ginny, making out with her future husband, Harry.

“Dad, this is no time for sleep,” I hissed “There is a murderer in or around the house, and I don’t have my wand with me!” My father looked at me for a moment. “What are you even talking about?” he said looking rather angry. “Why were you just outside?” I said, impatiently. My father looked at me and said “Oh, I was taking a leak.” then he plopped down on the couch, and started snoring.

I don’t know if I can handle four more years of this.


Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but....come on.                                                                   Oh, I was taking a leak.

Sorry Guys!

New post tomorrow!
Sorry, I haven't posted all summer.
I was busy doing absolutely nothing, because I have no life.

Benji

My sister saved I saved a puppy.
It is the cutest little nugget that I have ever seen. It's low fat nugget, but a nugget nonetheless.
Abiut a week ago we were headed home from inhaling tacos at the local Mexican Inn, when we saw this little cutey in the middle of the road, slowly and pitifully running after some joggers. We originally thought it was a squirrel and then we drove closer. It was the cutest and saddest puppy that I'd ever seen.
That's how I am. I base the cuteness of an animal based upon how upset it looks. This would put any A.S.P.C.A. commercial to shame.

The puppy couldn't have been more than 10 weeks old and it was smaller than one of my forearms. It was as skinny as a bulimic, and mangy. The fur it did have was grayish, black, stiff, and thin. Everything about this little lean cuisine chicken nugget puppy screamed stray. I could practically see his stomach due to his being so skinny.

My sister called for him and he came straight to her. We were in her car so Whitney takes credit for saving him, but I actually am the one who has been taking care of him.

We went over to this guy's house that has a lot of dogs because we thought it might be his. I was sure it wasn't his, and that is was a stray but we thought we should at least try.
So we go drive into this man's driveway and he is on his porch smoking a cigarette, shirtless, with his bitch-tits low swingin'. He waddled over to our car.

"We were driving kinda near your house and we found this little hot mess, and thought it might be yours." we said. "Wha' kine daw is it?"
I was holding the puppy, Lion King style.
Clearly this guy wasn't the sharpest red-neck at the Toby Keith Concert. (F.U.T.K Freedom. Understanding. Tolerance. & Knowledge.)
He said it was probably dumped by it's owner which is what we thought.

We brought it home and because it was night time we put him in the crate with our other dogs.

The noise that came from this little puppies mouth is hard to describe.
Imagine the sound of a dementor sucking the soul out of puppy's body.
You got that?
Now multiply it by 8 billion. I named him Benji because, well I like that name.
I wanted to keep him forever and ever, but yesturday the inevitable happened: We gave him away.

Our air conditioner broke, and one of the guys who was fixing it, asked and we told him the story.
He decided thart he wanted to keep him! This is good for him because he needs to be an inside dog and we just couldn't have him as one. When I thought all hope of keeping Benji was lost, a slimmer of hope came...
Benji threw up.
The first thing in my mind? "I CAN KEEP HIM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"
I didn't think the guy would still keep him, but he did.

I hugged Benji goodbye like he was being taken to Heaven by Jesus himself. I made it clear to the air guy, that if he did not keep Benji's name "Benji" then I would hunt him down, steal his identity, and buy a Ferrari on the internet.

Here is a picture of Benji

It's people like this that make the devil happy.

This guy seriously needs a reality check. There's a point in the video where I just got embarrassed for him.

Then I just got annoyed and left the computer



So. Flippin'. Jealous.

Alexandria’s Genesis, a.k.a violet eyes (a genetic mutation).

When someone is born with Alexandria’s Genesis, their eyes are blue or gray at birth. After six months, the eyes begin to change from their original color to purple, and this process lasts six months. During puberty, the color deepens to dark purple, a deep purple, a royal purple, or a violet-blue color and remains that way. It does not affect the person’s eyesight.

Those who have this mutation will never grow any facial, body, or pubic hair, (not including hair on their head, on their ears, noses, eyebrows and eyelashes)

Women also do not menstruate, but are still fertile.
So basically they’re perfect people. 

Upon further research
The “symptoms” of those who have Alexandria’s genesis are shimmering, white skin that resists tanning or burning; no body hair other than that which they are born with; purple-colored eyes; a slowing down and even stopping of the aging process; a life span of up to 170 years; their bodies produce little or no waste; their bodies are well-developed; their immune systems are incredibly strong, and resist every disease known to man; they have perfect vision; and they never gain weight. In other words, they’re really “super-human”.

          I'M JEALOUS.
          If I saw somebody like this in real ife I'd just be like

       

I lied.

Well, I lied.
I said I was going to post yesterday, and I didn't.
Sorry.

Anyhow, what up with me?
Oh, nothing. I just got my self a computer.
That's all.
A COMPUTER.
I'm lovin' it.
It's not a MacBook, or even a laptop, but it's my computer and I love it.

I have my own iTunes account and I saw a play list that said "Top 25 Most Played.
I clicked it, and apparently the awesome song that is "Not Ready To Make Nice"  by The Dixie Chicks, is my favorite .
I'm not surprised because that really is like my favorite song.

Here are my most played songs!

25: Paparazzi, by Lady Gaga
24: Cosmic Love, by Florence + The Machine
23: Because of You, by Kelly Clarkson
22: Sober, by P!nk
21: Alejandro, by Lady Gaga
20: Your Love is my Drug, by Ke$ha
19: Cowboy Take Me Away
18: Halo, by Beyonce
17: Tik Tok, by Ke$ha
16: Coming Home, by Gwenyth Paltrow
15: Tear Drops on my Guitar, by Taylor Swift
14: Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves, by Cher
13: Bad Romance, by Lady Gaga
12: Rolling in the Deep, By ADELE
11: Poker Face, by Lady Gaga
10: Complicated, by Avril Lavigne
9: Goodbye Earl, by the Dixie Chicks
8: Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal), by Fergie
7: Telephone, by Lady Gaga Feat. Beyonce
6: Easy Silence, by the Dixie Chicks
5: Someone Like You, by ADELE
4: If I Could Turn Back Time, by Cher
3: Airplanes, by B.o.B Feat. Hayley Williams
2: Jar of Hearts, by Christina Perri
1: Not Ready to Make Nice, by the Dixie Chicks

Not Ready to Make Nice was played 771 times.
Holy Shnikees.

Well, congradulations, Dixie Chick, you are not only my favorite band, but also, the singer of my favorite song. Be proud. This is a very great honor. Now hurry the awesomeness up, make a new album and go on tour. I'd die to see you perform live. Want to perform at my birthday party.

Cutest. Video. Ever.

Inspirational Words of Wisdom

FUN. FUN. THINK ABOUT FUN.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!

- Rebecca Black

That's nice.



This is going to be Charlie Sheen in 2 years.





Is this really happening?

It can't be.
Is this true?
Oh my God.

Yes my children, it has arrived, the closest thing Heaven: Summer Break
This must be what it was like for the Jews once they found out how much the Halla Costs.

I haven't ever been this happy before.
Neither has anyone at my school. People around here are jus tso elated to get the Hell out of dodge.
Except for the idiots who have summer school.
How do you get summer school? I mean seriously?
Once you see that you have a 52 in math, you get your shit together.
You don't just give up and fail.
You bribe and sex your way up to a passing grade.

I'm currently in computer class.
For some reason the princible feels that he has to mess with us one more time, so he jacked up the bell schedule, in an a attempt to drive us crazy with mind games that are on par with the likes of Jigsaw from Saw, and my personal favorite Ghostface from Scream.

I went golfing yesturday.
Correction: My dad went golfing, and I drove around in the golf cart like the fatty that I am.

This is what me and my dad looked like in that golf cart:

Al. Most. Done.

That's what she said.

SO school is almost over with, until August.
Then it starts all over again.
Meh.

\We have 1 and a half days left.
I'm typing this at school, that's why there's that retarded half in there.
Well we've had finals for the past two days and we even have them on THE LAST DAY of school.
It's so retarded.

You know what day most school years end on?
Friday?
Does our school get to be normal?
Of course not.
Because the Azle Independent School District is fucked up.

I'm probably going to yelled at by my parents for added that specific word above.

Well, I got stabbed by Forrest Gump yesterday.
Yeah, the one that sounds like a billy goat and eats paper.
Me and my friends had free time in class, and we were just going around to random people and pinching them, just to see their reaction.
I was offered a bag of chips to pinch Forrest, and I didn't want to pass that offer up.
I love chips.

So I went over to where Forrest was sitting, sneaked behind him and before I even got in a full pinch, he turned around, looked at me with a look on his eyes that resembled Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

After I received my death glare from Hitler, he promptly stabbed me.
Hard.
With a sharpened pencil.
He had to re-sharpen it afterwords.

I only have one sentance in response:
My friend owes me 2 bags of chips.

Yearbook

A few days ago our school gave us the yearbooks we paid for way back in December. When I got it, I was surprised on how simple they were.
I, i.e. my mother, paid upwards of $60 for these things.
I was expecting it to shit out tacos , but when I realized that, in fact, there wouldn't be no free tacos.
I was outraged.

We've spent the past week saying our good-byes and writing big long *insert gross joke here* notes in them.
I, being so out spoken, was surprised to find that when my friends asked me to sign their yearbook that I was stumped for something to write.
I managed to pull this gold one out of my ass
"Have an amahzing summer.
- Mark B. Goodnight"
Clearly I had a lot to say.

Then came Al Pachino with his yearbook.
We were in advisory and he went to get someone who was near me and my group of friends to sign it. He left to go to the restroom.
That's when Jordan said "We are going to sign that book." I was trying to keep my cool, in order to seem like a well seasoned comedian.
I was opening the book and about to sign it when Al Pachino walked in. He ran over to me and was trying to rip the book out of my hands.

This is when I lost my shit.
I busted out laughing.
I though I was going to pass out.
After he pryed the book from my hands, he said some bad words.
I had some choice words for him and I was going to let them out.

Me - "Listen you little vampire fuck-face, I don't appreciate you being so rude. I am just a boy from Fort Worth who's trying to make peace with another kid. I was going to write positive things, but clearly now I realize that you have no qualms with treating me like shit. So now I'm just going to voice my opinion."

Al Pachino - "What ever, asshole."

Kayleigh - "You are a terrible person."

Me - "That is exactly what I was thinking."

Al Pachino - "I can't believe you're treating me like this when I spent 2 years in a boys camp. That was two years away from my family."

Me - "That is because you PEED on someone. That is unforgivable."

This is true. He took the liberty of telling my entire history class about this.
Apparently, he unzipped his pants, whipped it out, and promptly peed all over some
poor girl.
He did spend 2 years at a boys camp, and the asshole takes it upon himself to use this when he's in verbal altercations with people, and especially with me.
But I'm never too shy to call bullshit on this guy, even in front of teachers.

This fight went on for some time and then after the argument ended, he decided that sitting there for the next ten minutes was necessary.
For a second I thought he was going to start crying like a little bitch.
But unfortunately, he managed to get it together.

I looked over to my left, where Britney was sitting.
She didn't look too excited.
In fact, she looked like Debbie Downer.

I didn't know who she was angry at; me or Al Pachino
We were being quite mean, but he deserved it. I mean it's not like she's the nicest person to him.
He is awful.
As it turned out I had nothing to worry about.
She wasn't angry at me.
I don't know why she would've been angry. She hated him.

This school year has been freaking irritating.
I'm glad that the last day of school is on Monday.
Spending any more time at this school would to drive me to drink.

I quit.

Spoiler Alert

I'm afraid I have some terrible news.
Sit down.


Lauren lost American Idol.
Not only did she lose, she lost to Scotty McSatan.

Are you fucking kidding me?
Lauren was about 8 trillion and 4 times better than Scotty.
The only reason that Scotty won, is that every girl 15 and under voted 200 times.
Granted, I voted that many times for Lauren, but she deserved to win. She is pure talent. I think that the last girl winner was Carrie Underwood. She was the last succesful one anyway. Scotty McSatan sucks.

He sounds like EVERY. OTHER. MALE. COUNTRY. SINGER.
I'm fucking enraged.
Scotty "Sanjaya'd" his way to the top.
This pisses me off to a whole new level.

Whatever.
Lauren is going to be a lot more successful than Scotty.

What really irks me is that my sister had to rub it in my face.
The first words out of her mouth?

"Oh God, now Mark's going to cry."
DAMN STRAIGHT.

I'm so angry.
If Scotty and Lauren become successful, and they're both up for album of the year at the Grammy's, Lauren WILL win.

Do you want to know why?
Because she's fucking epic.