food is my love

Lately I've had a love/hate/no carb left behind diet.

My friend at school was messing with google while we were in the computer lab. She accidently typed in 3. One of the search suggestions was "3 DAY DIET". Obviously her only choice was to click on it and she did. She decided to print it out and I said "Your stupid. Your going to give up the moment you see the word 'carrot', and even if you did finish, you won't lose any weight!"

Later at home, I walked in to the restroom to pee my urine out. I found myself playing drums....with my stomach. This has happened on several occasions, but I've ignored it. I realized today that I don't enjoy being a fat lard named Trey. (Tip of the hat Amanda Sheerer.)

To think anyone, let alone myself, could get to this point of 2 stomachs and a small ,yet there, set of manboobs, really disturbed me. What have I turned out to be. I don't want to be the fat kid that eats his feelings and gets bullied by the dude with a strong jaw, good hairline, and the abs of Jesus. I want to be the "Ashton Kutcher", if you will, of my school. So I went to the computer and Googled "3 day diet for a Fat-Ass".

The following is what I am eating for the next 3 days:

The 3 Day Diet meal plan:
Day 1
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1/2 grapefruit or juice
1 piece toast with 1 tablespoon peanut butter
Lunch
1/2 cup tuna
1 piece toast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
Dinner
3 ounces any lean meat or chicken
1 cup green beans
1 cup carrots
1 apple
1 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 2
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 egg
1/2 banana
1 piece toast
Lunch
1 cup cottage cheese or tuna
8 regular saltine crackers
Dinner
2 beef franks
1 cup broccoli or cabbage
1/2 cup carrots
1/2 banana
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
Day 3
Breakfast
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
5 regular saltine crackers
1 ounce cheddar cheese
1 apple
Lunch
Black coffee or tea, with 1-2 packets Sweet & Low or Equal
1 boiled egg
1 piece toast
Dinner
1 cup tuna
1 cup carrots
1 cup cauliflower
1 cup melon
1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream
In addition to its strict daily food prescription, dieters drink 4 cups of water or noncaloric drinks daily.

I don't have half of that stuff at home but, the website said I'd lose at most 10 pounds. So after school me and my mom are going to walmart. To be honest the moment I saw "carrot", and "cauliflower" I smurfed a brick. But I'm putting my foot down. I just will not allow myself to eat what I want. I know you think I'm making a big deal over 3 days, but to me "3 days of health food." sounds like "Not eating anything but 1 cup of water PER DAY, and whenever you feel like your about to faint, eat a deer dropping."

Movie Theater Fight Club

Holy Birth Canal you guys...I saw something friday that i hav been waiting to happen every time i go out in public. You guys people almost died. well not really but crap got intense. Me and my father went to see the 7th installment of Harry Potter.
One of the more intense scenes when Harry Potter was getting eaten by an anaconda the size of gods mansion, the snake popped towards the screen. At that moment the dude infront of the guy to my left, who apparently was taking a sip of his drink, freaked the freak out and threw his cup o' soda all over the dude next to me. The FULL cup of soda went only on him projectile style. I immeadiately started laughing harder then when i watch animal hoarders. The dude next to me (lets call him michael vick) face turned dark red. we will also call the thrower Clay Aiken. now i cant repeat the EXACT WORDS he said but you will get the idea.

Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING KIDDING ME????

Clay Aiken - no...*tears fall*

Michael Vick - ARE YOU SHANKING SMURFING ME!!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?

Clay Aiken - dude it was an accident...shanking chill.

holy birthcanal. i live for this crap. this was amazing! i was begging god for this to get physical. i was singing in my mind "i wanna get physical PHYSICAL lemme hear ya body talk! BODY TALK!!" i already had to pee. this made a bead of pee come out of my bladder. it was hilarious and probably the best moment of my life.

50th blog post amazingness!

Well it's happened. With your help we have done it. 50 posts. I couldn't have done this without you. there is something i would like to say. THANKYOU.

ive realized ive lost touch with my roots. i mean my first blog posts were really good. lately ive hit rock bottom. have u counted all the F bombs? I am SO SORRY. I've realized a really GOOD F bomb comes when you hardly ever use it. when you use it ALL the time, it loses shock value and isnt as special. I recently went to rehab and im BACK. IM YOUNG, SINGLE, AND READY TO MINGLE! So for the next paragraph im going to go back and do the kind of humor I used to do. clean.

LUDACRIS

If you are a hard-core "mark-addict" then you know how much i dislike him. I recently realized he is in the song "yeah" by Usher. HOLY GOD. he has NO talent whatsoever. he sound like a constipated Gorilla. Behind Usher's smooth nice voice, you will hear "YEARHA YEARHA YEARHA! IM IN ANUSHA SONG BABY! BY THE WAY MY EX-GIRLFRIEND HATES STARBUCKS!" its funny how he tries so hard and fails epically.

I still can not get over how completely horrible he is in that Justin Bieber song "BABY!" Luckily J beebz, for what i know, has listened and stopped any and all contact with him. and look at what has happend. a VMA, he has a book out, and a movie coming out in febuary. I look foward to dropping a single with him and Ke$ha.

DRUNK TEACHERS

One of my teachers, we will call her "mel g", has gotten a little "drunk" lately (allegedly) and went on a rampage targeted towards me.

the reason i think she is a drunk, is i saw her at brookshires, with 2 bottles of wine. lives alone and is divorced, and has i can see crazy in her eye.....hmmmmmm

Mel g gave her class a paper that was called "RANDOM FACTS"(yeah she tries hard) One of the questions was like "hopes and dreams for this school". you were supposed to put five but i could only think of two. i put down Good grades and new friends. she didnt like this and was all up i n my face yelling "FINISH IT" I said I dont know what to put though" "QUIT WHINING BABY!"

whoa... did she just insult me? all of these things just popped in to my head. things like "yea OK boozer. you smell like mel gibson."

i jst said " but i need help." ( i played victim) "OK THENI GUESS YOULL SIGHN THE BOOK! (the book is a nazi way of torchering us that when we sighn it we can like be sent to hell for the day.) i said "no please i just need help!" "OK THEN D SLIP!" was she serious? "what?" "IF YOU HAVE NO HOPES AND DREAMS, THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE MISERABLE! TO THE OFFICE" who is she to do that! i had nothing to lose so i yelled "I DONT HAVE ANY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THIS SCHOOL, BECAUSE WHEN YOU NEED HELP, YOU GET SENT TO THE OFFICE!!!!" then i walked to the office.

that was where i gave our little nugget principle, a oscar worthy cry, and he ended up being angry at mel g.

mark - 1
boozer- 0

Dear Trash Bags

Screw you, i totally hate you. Do you think your cute, when you trick me into thinking your tight on the trash bag carrier. Then just to fall into the carrier when I throw my trash in you. I know life can't be good for you. I know that you only live for about 8 hours and then you get eaten by a buried in the middle of no where, but you might as well do what your supposed too. It is NOT that hard to do your job. If you don't I am going to wipe my butt with your toothbrush and watchn you use it.



k thanks.
Love, Mark Goodnight